Thursday, January 3, 2008

Tonight My Heart is Sad

My heart is breaking tonight. It's amazing this bond we women have who share this terrible commonality of infertility.

Today - several women from a board that I participate on are in pain and facing the greatest disappointment. Three of the women that were in Zlin with me have gotten negative results. One thought she was pregnant but it turned out to be a chemical - her progesterone has steadily been decreasing. Another - was pregnant with twins and one has arrested at 10 1/2 weeks.

I feel their pain. Truly - I feel it in my soul. I've been the one so many times watching everyone else get the good news. The pain of more hope lost. The pain of another dream crushed. The pain of the fear it wil never work for you.

For me - there is certainly a deep sense of guilt. Why did it work for me and not for them? Have I been sensitive enough to quietly and meekly share my good news.

And then there's fear - will the same thing happen to me? Who am I to think that I should be the one to dodge this pain? How do I balance hope and belief and fear and anxiety without my body registering all of this and affecting the bun?

When you read this post - please say a prayer for these women. Pray their hearts will recover from this recent loss. Pray they will find hope again. Pray they are surrounded by people who love them and can carry them through this. Pray they know they are beautiful, strong, admirable women regardless of the outcome of their pregnancy tests. May they know they are held up by strangers - by sisters who may or may not have had a similar experience but grieve with them regardless.

I have never met anyone I admire more than the women that brave this pain over and over and over again for the hope of a dream realized. That, in and of itself, is the very essence of motherhood.

7 comments:

Tracy said...

*de-lurk*

I've been keeping up on your journey, especially since we are at the onset of a donor egg cycle ourselves.

I am so sorry for your friends. I am so sorry for all the women in the world that are struggling with this challenge. I have said a prayer, and will continue to pray, for all of them.

Your very last line has moved me beyond words and makes me even more determined.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
stacyb said...

what a moving post. i am so sorry for your friends -- and i understand the guilt and fear you mention very well.

i have no doubt you will figure out a way to balance these emotions that works for you.

and as tracy wrote, a beautiful and moving last sentence.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://seghan.ru/go.php?sid=35][img]http://i066.radikal.ru/1001/38/f22daff34e6d.jpg[/img][/url]












[url=http://tyouhca.xn--geglckt-q2a.de/sitemap.html]age you can buy cigarettes [/url]
buy cigarettes with checking account buy malboro cigarettes where can buy candy cigarettes
[url=http://qzexaua.flackert.de/sitemap.html]law on buying cigarettes [/url]
where to buy electric cigarette machines buying cigarettes from china where to buy austin cigarettes
[url=http://qzexaua.flackert.de/]buy cigarettes online money order [/url]
buy more light cigarettes buying cigarettes in cuba where can i buy nicortte cigarettes
[url=http://ubpscsn.pro.ac/]age for buying cigarettes [/url]
buying cigarettes in united states buy lucky strike cigarettes buy sampoerna cigarettes online
[url=http://tyouhca.xn--geglckt-q2a.de/sitemap.html]buy cigarette to resell [/url]
alternative cigarettes inc decision and order buy cigarette online uk where to buy crown 7 cigarettes
[url=http://qzexaua.flackert.de/sitemap.html]buy cigarettes new york [/url]
where can i buy cigarettes online buy cigarettes under need to buy barclay cigarettes
[url=http://tioozua.connection24.de/]to buy camel cigarettes [/url]
buy marloboro light cigarettes online american spirit cigarettes order mail order cigarettes state tax
[url=http://wcsoius.biz.co.nl/sitemap.html]where to buy cheap cigarettes online [/url]
buy cigarette to resell buying cigarettes for minors alternative cigaretts buy
[url=http://botziho.485.at/]buy cigarettes online from discount store [/url]
pink cigarettes buy buy best prices marlboro cigarettes cigarette buying age
[url=http://powjxun.wieder-mal.de/]buy cigarette in kentucky [/url]
uk law on buying cigarettes buy malibu cigarettes online buy cigarettes on

Anonymous said...

Amiable post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you as your information.

cialis said...

In principle, a good happen, support the views of the author

moms incest stories said...

After about 5 minutes it is all drawnout in three different colors, Slut loves BLACK COCK. Sheteased, and with her spare hand began to caress my breasts again.
sexy free stories
sexy erotic stories
stories sex taboo young wife free
hot interracial stories
free beastiality stories
After about 5 minutes it is all drawnout in three different colors, Slut loves BLACK COCK. Sheteased, and with her spare hand began to caress my breasts again.