It's Here!

Hope has arrived in all her tragic and beautiful glory. I awoke this morning to the thought of how wonderful it would be to be pregnant after this donor cycle. My heart fluttered and I smiled to those sweet thoughts -imagining me with a baby growing inside of me. Then that cautious bitch Reality showed up waving her wand of self-protective doom and gloom and - of all things - I tossed her aside and introduced myself to Hope. It's been quite awhile - she'd likely forgotten me.

I actually feel about ten pounds lighter this morning. It's taken so much energy to stay guarded and closed off to hope. I hadn't realized that until this morning.

Yesterday we received an update on our donor. She is progressing very welll. She already has 10 follicles and still has about a week left. I never had more than 6 follicles on the day of retrieval - she wins! That news had a tremendous impact on me. For the first time I felt like I could let go a litle bit and just be happy and hopeful.

We leave this afternoon! I'm excited about the vacation. we have a 7 hour lay-over in Paris. I can't wait to see Paris decorated for Christmas. What a dreamy city. I couldn't think of a better way to start this trip than a day with my love in Paris at Christmas. Perfection.

We arrive in Prague tomorrow evening at 7:00. We are staying in Prague 4 days and head to Zlin on December 10th. We've decided to rent a car when we leave Prague. I've heard that Zlin can make you feel a little trapped if you don't have the freedom to tour with a car. We will travel in between our dates at the clinic to Cesky Krumlov and Vienna.

My first appointment is on the 11th for my ultrasound. It was supposed to be on the 19th but that was changed yesterday. My husband has his time in the happy closet and leaves his deposit on the day of retrieval, which will either be the 11th or 12th. Then we just wait for fertilization and pray for a 5 day transfer.

I can't believe we leave today! I havne't gotten any sleep as I've had so much work to get done before leaving so I"m hoping to sleep the flight over. That will be a small miracle. I travel to India several times a year and don't sleep a wink on a 20 hour flight. If I actually fall asleep on this flight - all will be well and that will be my sign that miracles really do happen!